Best Man’s speech
Writing a speech
- Be yourself and don’t worry about giving some formal speech that doesn’t reflect you.
- Keep it short
- Write and practice your speech in advance.
- Look for inspiration
Delivering the speech
- Stay sober
- Ask the audience to give you their attention
- Introduce yourself
- Express gratitude
- Make light hearted jokes at Groom’s expense
- Tell a touching story about the groom
- Avoid sensitive subjects
- Expand on Groom’s virtues
- Don’t forget to mention the bride
- Compliment their relationship
- Wrap it up
- Propose a toast
- Unless you’re 100% certain that you know 100% of the guests and their tastes, do NOT let your speech get off-color. Skip the dirty jokes, the suggestive remarks about the honeymoon, and the stories about the groom’s ex-girlfriend. They probably aren’t appropriate. This isn’t a locker room. Even if the groom and his friends find them funny, the bride and her mother probably won’t. People will forgive you for being a little stiff or sappy, reading off cards, or being a little boring, but if you ruin the reception with a dirty joke and embarrass the bride, NO ONE will ever forgive you — especially her. If you’re wondering whether a joke is clean enough to use, don’t use it.
- Don’t force humour. If you don’t like speaking in public and aren’t confident in your ability to be funny, it’s much better to read a serious speech off index cards than to try to become a comedian for one night. Also, most jokes from “Best Jokes for Weddings” books or web sites are NOT funny. No one will be mad at you for not being funny enough, but every single person in the room will cringe if you suddenly transform into Michael Scott.
- Stay sober before giving your speech. Looking like a drunk will sour everyone’s impression of you and may call the groom’s judgment into question
Best Man’s speech
I’ve been fortunate enough to see Cassie and Scott’s relationship evolve from day one. I’ll never forget the day they met. Scott and I were sitting together at lunch. He was acting all smug—surprise, surprise—because the lady at the counter had given him two chocolate puddings instead of one. Cassie walked over and, despite never having met either of us, asked if she could have his extra. Scott took one look at her and shook his head, telling “four-eyes” to get lost. So Cassie did what anyone would do: she tore open his milk and dumped it into his chicken fingers and lap.
And before you ask, that wasn’t in grade school, folks. That was three years ago. She still pours milk on him when she’s mad, but I think he’s probably willing to share his pudding now.
As anyone who’s met Scott knows, that’s quite the feat. I’ve known him since kindergarten, and he never once shared any of his dessert with me. Jokes on you, Scott: I’m eating half the wedding cake. Your mom said I could.
(Speaking of, I have to take a moment to recognize Mrs. Sharon Miller for making this all possible. I know it’s not easy to plan a wedding, but she took charge and made it happen. So thanks, Scott’s mom!)
And to be fair, Scott’s one of the most giving people I know. You wouldn’t expect it, since he never shares anything sweet, but we all have our quirks. I know Cassie didn’t anticipate it. The way her jaw dropped when she saw him volunteering with Habitat for Humanity was priceless. I don’t think she got over that shock until partway through building a third house with him. It took a while for her to see him as the generous, kind, well-mannered, whip-smart guy that he is and not just a dessert hoarder.
On the other hand, I think Scott fell for her when he was still dripping milk into his lunch. She was barely out of earshot when he told me that whoever married her was a lucky son-of-a-gun. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he could be that guy.
I can’t blame him. Cassie’s amazing. She’s not just beautiful; she’s strong-willed and compassionate. And she’s one heck of a go-getter. While Scott was just sitting around, besotted and wondering how he could ever approach this lovely lady who’d come roaring into his life six months ago, she was making reservations for two at a restaurant two towns over. He got home from that whirlwind first date, threw himself onto my bed, and told me he needed to go ring shopping right that moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the perfect couple. Cassie looks stunning tonight. In fact, the whole bridal party—all of whom spent hours helping Cassie prepare and have been by her side since day one—looks gorgeous. Don’t they all belong in a magazine? Scott’s not bad tonight either. (laughs)
I think I’ve probably said enough by now, so I want to thank you for helping my best friend celebrate his wedding day. I’d like to propose a toast: to Cassie and Scott! May the rest of your lives be filled with joy, wonder, love…and chocolate pudding!
Best Man’s (Funny Speech)
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!
Before I get started I just want to say, I asked Josh before I started writing if there was anything I couldn’t say, and he said no. So Mel, this is really his fault. By the way, I’d like to point out that Mel looks radiant today—every bit the beautiful bride. As for Josh… Well, my mother always told me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. At least he tries hard, and Mel’s a teacher, so she should give partial credit.
For those of you who don’t know me, my name is James Copper, and for those of you who do know me…shh. But really, I’m Nick, and I’ve known Josh longer than… Well, normally, I can say I’ve known him longer than anybody, but that doesn’t really work when half the people in the room are his family, does it? I’ve known him a while though—since the second grade. I’ve at least known him longer than any of his other friends, and I am honoured to be here tonight to sing Josh’s praises.
I met Josh when we were both only 7, and, for those of you so inclined, it isn’t that hard to imagine 7-year-old Josh: he had the same haircut and that same little smile that says he’s always pleased with himself, even though you can’t believe he’s had many accomplishments. Today definitely counts as an accomplishment for him, because he’s landed a woman like Mel.
I knew as soon as I saw him that I had to befriend Josh, and that everything would be okay after. Sure enough, with Josh around, I became only the second least popular kid in school [nod to Josh]. Josh was a happy little kid growing up, and he could make friends with just about anybody—assuming they put in all the effort of meeting him and talking to him. Or Jean would bake a mountain of treats, and that was a pretty big draw for the Murray house. A long time ago I actually used to think Josh’s name was just cookie-boy, but the wedding invitations cleared that up.
One thing that some of you probably already know is that Josh has always been good at sports. As a kid, he was always signed up in a league for something or other. What he really excelled at though, then and now, was video games. Something about sitting in a chair and concentrating on mindless repetition really brings out the competitor in him. I wonder why he decided to become an engineer instead of going into public relations or something.
A small reason for me coming here was that up until now, Josh’s ability to handle any kind of attention directed at him was purely theoretical. He did a pretty good job though, so you all didn’t get to see the big marionette harness his dad rigged up.
Now, when Josh moved up from elementary school to high school, things changed completely. Instead of being an athlete who was kind of a nerd, now he was a nerd who kind of liked sports. He was unanimously elected captain of the tennis team his senior year—and then proceeded to lead the team through a string of crushing defeats that have since passed into legend. But still, when people thought about who they wanted at the helm of that sinking ship, the only name that came to mind was Josh. He really stepped into his role as a leader, too, running the team like a well-oiled pelican.
It’s hard for me to believe even now that the kid I used to trade lunches with got married today. But I’ve known him for what seems forever, and I’ve had the pleasure of knowing Mel for a few years too, and I can’t think of any other couple that are as perfect for each other as you two. You’re both wonderful people, and I count it as a blessing to call you both my friend.
And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, I ask you to raise your glasses in a toast to Josh and Mel, the newlyweds. We wish you well for the future.